For the past 3 weeks I have enlisted the help of a personal trainer to personally kick my butt into shape. New job, new flat and a recurring knee injury has meant that I've been out of action for sometime and i realised that despite new gym on new doorstep some drastic action was going to be taken to even get me through the door and onto that treadmill.
Enter Gumtree. There always seems to be a bargain there and lo and behold - 12 personal training sessions for £220 with a free trial. Ring James. Accompanying picture shows impressive if not scary six pack but i thought id get in touch, give it a go and if i didn't like him, let alone the personal training i never had to see him again.
3 weeks later and what feels like countless sessions i almost feel like a changed person. And no i ha vent lost any weight, my tummy is still flabby, and my thighs seem to be getting more muscly, but that's by the by. I realised this evening ( and this being a Friday night at the gym instead of a Friday night in the pub) that a different muscle, that one being the brain, has been beefed up in an enlightened way.
The gym is in Brixton. James is a big black Nigerian guy with tattoos on his arms. Most of the guys there are big, strong, black, men of Afro - Caribbean descent. Before signing up with James, I hadn't even been anywhere near the weights room let alone Brixton. In my mind it has always had this reputation of not quite being kosher and when i compare it to the delights of Fulham, Chelsea, Notting Hill and Pimlico which seems to encompass most of my friends as well as "edgy" east London it has never been the destination of choice. And yet this building, next to Nandos and opposite the Brixton Academy ( I think a few people got shot there once!) contains some of the kindest, genuine, motivating people I have met in a long time.
They don't know my name and I don't know theirs but we recognise each other by sight, i am applauded when I do my first press up, and high fived when making a rowing challenge, smiled at when I'm about to cry and cant go on.
The changing rooms are also unlike any other gym have been to before. Girls walking and talking naked with "imperfect" bodies - no one is hiding from the other, everyone is happy in their own skin. And the skin, let me tell you is of every colour possible. In fact, I'm probably the whitest person there, and quite possibly the poshest. Rich? Poor? Who knows? Who cares? No one avoids me, no one stares at me as if I'm different, they accept me without knowing anything about me. Nobody is judging me. Not like how I thought they would or if I'm really honest, not how I would have judged them or perhaps even did.
Because that little gym represents a community, and that community is in Brixton. Not the big bad scary Brixton (gun shots, stabbings!) that I thought it was, but real life Brixton. People who work hard, who want a good life, not the high-life but a valued life. You can hear it in the way the talk about their families and children. Not once has anyone asked what i do or where i work as to them that's irrelevant. I'm there with them, so we have to have something in common? How unlike the people i usually meet.
The saying don't judge a book by a cover couldn't more more true, but in this case it goes a lot deeper than that. The interesting parts of life are the gritty parts, just like the gritty areas. So look outside your Sloane Sqaure and Shoreditches. There is a lot more to learn, and interesting people to meet when you do and you dont have to get on a plane to South America to realise it either, the end of the Victoria line will do.
Friday, 2 December 2011
Sunday, 16 October 2011
A Letter to my 16 Year Old Self.....
Inspired by an article i read in the Telegraph this weekend...
Dear Me,
Here you are 16 - and things are going well....you are smart, beautiful and healthy, keep doing what you're doing. Don't get complacent, you're supposed to get the best grades at A-Level, work hard, you aren't naturally that intelligent that you can do nothing, you still have to do something. Don't follow the crowd - Oxbridge IS cool - you'll see who's laughing when you have graduated with a good degree from one of the best universities in the world.
Stand up for what you believe in and be nice to those around you - its not cool to be rude, some people might think you have a bad attitude or are even a bully. DON'T smoke that Silk Cut by the garage - actually smoke it, realise you hate it and never touch the things again. Smoking is for losers, and don't forget the letter you wrote to you father after watching the smoking video in biology? That's right - its selfish, it affects everyone else around you, and its not pretty.
Keep up with the sports - you're an amazing swimmer, a decent netballer and not so bad at tennis - but watch out for your knees - they will be troublesome as you get older!
I know you're not worried about boys, but when you do get involved, don't rush, take it easy - every guy takes a little piece of your heart, make sure you have enough to give when the right person comes along.
Try not to make things a bigger deal than they are, accept what is real and be rational in your decisions - having the most attention and being the most popular doesn't win you the race in the long run.
Don't let people tell you that you cant sing or dance - you can! You might not be the best but that's not a reason to do it. Oh and for gods sake smile, all those photos and you pout or look moody in them all - your teeth are cute, look after them and rest assured that one day they will be bigger and better!
Savour that flat stomach of yours, you know how you wonder how people can have tummies like that and why don't they just eat less? You too will have a tummy like that one day, and its not to do with eating, its called getting old. Also, your thighs are THIN, how I am jealous - a size 8 is perfect for your age. Make the most of it, wear ridiculous clothes while you can, but maybe skip the hair dye, brown hair is meant to be brown, it goes best with your skin.
Other than those things I cant think of anything else - just listen to your heart more and follow your dreams - not your friends or boyfriends.
With love, and we will meet one day, x
PS not medicine, law, that's what you should do.
Dear Me,
Here you are 16 - and things are going well....you are smart, beautiful and healthy, keep doing what you're doing. Don't get complacent, you're supposed to get the best grades at A-Level, work hard, you aren't naturally that intelligent that you can do nothing, you still have to do something. Don't follow the crowd - Oxbridge IS cool - you'll see who's laughing when you have graduated with a good degree from one of the best universities in the world.
Stand up for what you believe in and be nice to those around you - its not cool to be rude, some people might think you have a bad attitude or are even a bully. DON'T smoke that Silk Cut by the garage - actually smoke it, realise you hate it and never touch the things again. Smoking is for losers, and don't forget the letter you wrote to you father after watching the smoking video in biology? That's right - its selfish, it affects everyone else around you, and its not pretty.
Keep up with the sports - you're an amazing swimmer, a decent netballer and not so bad at tennis - but watch out for your knees - they will be troublesome as you get older!
I know you're not worried about boys, but when you do get involved, don't rush, take it easy - every guy takes a little piece of your heart, make sure you have enough to give when the right person comes along.
Try not to make things a bigger deal than they are, accept what is real and be rational in your decisions - having the most attention and being the most popular doesn't win you the race in the long run.
Don't let people tell you that you cant sing or dance - you can! You might not be the best but that's not a reason to do it. Oh and for gods sake smile, all those photos and you pout or look moody in them all - your teeth are cute, look after them and rest assured that one day they will be bigger and better!
Savour that flat stomach of yours, you know how you wonder how people can have tummies like that and why don't they just eat less? You too will have a tummy like that one day, and its not to do with eating, its called getting old. Also, your thighs are THIN, how I am jealous - a size 8 is perfect for your age. Make the most of it, wear ridiculous clothes while you can, but maybe skip the hair dye, brown hair is meant to be brown, it goes best with your skin.
Other than those things I cant think of anything else - just listen to your heart more and follow your dreams - not your friends or boyfriends.
With love, and we will meet one day, x
PS not medicine, law, that's what you should do.
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
1 + 1 = ???
A brief note, a reminder to myself and the rest of you.
Dont let your other half become you - otherwise it becomes very dull for everyone around you and when its gone you dont have much letf.
The most successful relationships I know are the ones where people do their own thing, make their own plans, keep their own life. When their "other half" is just that, they add to them, they dont complete them. They are the 0.5 to the 1.0, not the 0.5 to the 0.5.
This isnt jealousy that I dont have one, resentment that I wish I was one - only something that I wish I realised a long time ago, and now I know something that I will never ever again repeat. And what a realisation, as no one makes me happier than me - and this means that no one else has that power to make me unhappy or let me down either. Its all about me. Just me. Anything else, well, its a bonus.
Dont let your other half become you - otherwise it becomes very dull for everyone around you and when its gone you dont have much letf.
The most successful relationships I know are the ones where people do their own thing, make their own plans, keep their own life. When their "other half" is just that, they add to them, they dont complete them. They are the 0.5 to the 1.0, not the 0.5 to the 0.5.
This isnt jealousy that I dont have one, resentment that I wish I was one - only something that I wish I realised a long time ago, and now I know something that I will never ever again repeat. And what a realisation, as no one makes me happier than me - and this means that no one else has that power to make me unhappy or let me down either. Its all about me. Just me. Anything else, well, its a bonus.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye....
They say sorry is the hardest word - or at least Elton seems to think so - but so is goodbye.
Goodbye hurts. Goodbye is forever. Goodbye is final. Whats so good about goodbye?
Ive spent the past few months saying goodbye to people I love and its not getting any easier. In fact its getting harder. One leaves and you can cope, you miss them but its ok...but then another and another. And before you know it you are going through you mobile phone book and most of the numbers start with 00...the global code.
Australia, Singapore, Switzerland, New Zealand, Jamaica to name but a few. You promise to keep in touch, and you mean it, but inevitably life gets in the way - different time zones, telephone bills and everything else - the emails no matter how long how detailed cant convey your day to day runnings and thats whats so scary - the prospect of saying goodbye to something you shared and that you cant do anything about no matter how good your intentions are.
Sometimes goodbyes sneak up on you, you know its coming, 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 days later but then its real, its happening and its time to say goodbye. Sometimes goodbyes are sudden, you hadnt even entertained the prospect and here you are saying it just like that, bam.
Some goodbyes have hope - "I'll see you soon". Some goodbyes are good riddance. And some goodbyes have no hope, no riddance. In fact they sit heavy on your heart even if you actually want to say goodbye to that feeling you cant.
Regardless of which goodbye it is none of them are easy. Each time they take a little piece of you....at least until the next time when you say hello. If there is a next time.
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Life in Disney
Looking back on it my parents brought me up on an unhealthy amount of Disney.
The first cartoon I can remember watching was Bongo the Bear. Its a silent one and not very well but the story goes something like this...
Circus Bear destined for life as a caged show animal, manages to escape life in the circus accompanied by good friend Jiminy Cricket. Circus bear meets and falls in love with Girl Bear, however Grizzly Bear comes along and decides that Girl Bear belongs to him. Circus Bear walks off with tail between legs and heartbroken. However in a moment of realisation Circus Bear realises that Girl Bear wants to be with him not Grizzly Bear and beats him in a David and Goliath fashion. Circus Bear and Girl Bear sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Sound familiar?
I cried in Dumbo, Bambi, The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty and Lady and the Tramp. All of the classic love stories. In fact the only Disney I didn't like was Fantasia - too many flying broomsticks and not enough romance. This has led me to believe that love is in fact like a Disney movie - there is always a happy ending, even if all seems lost, its not.
So imagine my delight today when I heard a real life Disney "Happy ever after" in full swing. A girlfriend of mine after two years after breaking up from her ex got an email today that one could only wish was written to them. It was the perfect email, the blow you away type of email. One that reflected on the past and looked to the future. It was full of regret, hope, sadness, joy, despair, loss, happiness and most of all love. It signals new beginnings but based on the same two people that met across a crowded bus those years ago. All in all the total makings of a Disney film with its perfect happy ending.
Don't get me wrong, am I envious? Yes. Where's my happy-ending-ever-after. But this showed me that they do exist. Miracles do happen, that love isn't just practical its magical. So whilst I wait for my Aladdin to get off his carpet and come find me, I wish them all the luck in the world. What about love you say? Well its clear they already have that covered.
The first cartoon I can remember watching was Bongo the Bear. Its a silent one and not very well but the story goes something like this...
Circus Bear destined for life as a caged show animal, manages to escape life in the circus accompanied by good friend Jiminy Cricket. Circus bear meets and falls in love with Girl Bear, however Grizzly Bear comes along and decides that Girl Bear belongs to him. Circus Bear walks off with tail between legs and heartbroken. However in a moment of realisation Circus Bear realises that Girl Bear wants to be with him not Grizzly Bear and beats him in a David and Goliath fashion. Circus Bear and Girl Bear sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
Sound familiar?
I cried in Dumbo, Bambi, The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty and Lady and the Tramp. All of the classic love stories. In fact the only Disney I didn't like was Fantasia - too many flying broomsticks and not enough romance. This has led me to believe that love is in fact like a Disney movie - there is always a happy ending, even if all seems lost, its not.
So imagine my delight today when I heard a real life Disney "Happy ever after" in full swing. A girlfriend of mine after two years after breaking up from her ex got an email today that one could only wish was written to them. It was the perfect email, the blow you away type of email. One that reflected on the past and looked to the future. It was full of regret, hope, sadness, joy, despair, loss, happiness and most of all love. It signals new beginnings but based on the same two people that met across a crowded bus those years ago. All in all the total makings of a Disney film with its perfect happy ending.
Don't get me wrong, am I envious? Yes. Where's my happy-ending-ever-after. But this showed me that they do exist. Miracles do happen, that love isn't just practical its magical. So whilst I wait for my Aladdin to get off his carpet and come find me, I wish them all the luck in the world. What about love you say? Well its clear they already have that covered.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Walk - Dont Walk - Walk - Dont Walk - Part 1
Coming up to the 10 year anniverary this poem has always brought chills to my soul.
9/11 - Out of the Blue by Simon Armitage
9/11 - Out of the Blue by Simon Armitage
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
From Beginning to End
Life is good. All the things that I have been stressing about for the past 2 years (yes that's right, TWO YEARS) doesn't seem to stress me out anymore. And that's not to say they have been resolved, I just don't care like I did before. Its incredible, I feel light and happy - not euphoric or ridiculous - I am just so unbelievably content. Very unlike me.
Somewhere in these deep and meaningful thoughts of mine I managed to equate my current happy existence to how I feel about listening to an amazing tune. Something about an amazing tune that makes you put it on continuous repeat and drive everyone else mad.
Somewhere in these deep and meaningful thoughts of mine I managed to equate my current happy existence to how I feel about listening to an amazing tune. Something about an amazing tune that makes you put it on continuous repeat and drive everyone else mad.
Unless you have an Ultimate Album.
An Ultimate Album by which every single track on the album is amazing, (or maybe there is only one not so amazing but still good, song).
Ultimate albums aren't frequent or common, you'd be lucky to find one on an annual basis, but when you do it will always be an Ultimate Album.
So in no particular order, my Ultimate Albums
- Alanis Morisette "Jagged Little Pill" - I can still see myself and my friends dancing around the dorm and singing Ironic at the top of our lungs
- Oasis " Whats the Story Morning Glory" - My introduction to the world of Britpop
- Paolo Nutini "These Streets" - Saw me threw two break ups and a make up and despite some of the ugly memories I still love it
- Florence and the Machine "Lungs" - Words fail me to describe the power of this woman's voice and its effect on me
- Lighting Seeds " Jollification" - Stole this album from my Dad
- Lionel Richie "Back to Front" - Slightly cheating as this is a greatest hits, but really they are all so good. Not a dud one there.
- Norah Jones "Come away with me" - Not normally a fan of background or elevator music but Norah passes the test in this case
- Reginald Dwight, AKA Elton John. Forget albums, every single song.
So that's it, I think if I have to think any harder then they cant be an Ultimate Album of mine.
But how does this time into my present state of mind, I'm not quite sure, I'm just hoping that now that I have found my happiness it will be like an Ultimate Album. I can listen to it from beginning to end. And then start all over again without anything getting in the way.
Friday, 10 June 2011
Are you there God? Its me Margaret.....
Chapel was a three times a week occurrence with a Sunday extravaganza (Sung Eucharist) every other week at school. 7 years. 21 terms. And an awful lot of Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and bi-Sundays in between.
To be fair I quite liked the calm 30 minutes before the day started, a quick peek to see your other friends from other houses, waving to them across the pews, "Ooooh Charlie has a new haircut", the whispering and giggling, being told off by the prefects for whispering and giggling, and lip syncing to the hymns cos it was not cool if you actually sung out loud. (Top Tip: If you mouth "rhubarb and custard" to any song it looks like you know the words!)
I wont pretend that I can remember much of the biblical aspects of Chapel, the readings and so forth - I think I have done better since I have been going to weddings, (1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 I practically know by heart! http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2013;&version=NIV) - but the fables, the allegories, Winnie the Pooh excerpts - these have definitely stood the memory test.
I was in bed last night and like most people before one goes to sleep you analyse the day, what went on, promise to make improvements for tomorrow, but overall realise that you are indeed happy and thankful for the life you have. What made me laugh is that a part of this ritual I start with the opening line from a book that was often read to us " Are you there God? Its me Margaret...."
To plagiarise a little, Wikipedia describes the books as follows:
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is a 1970 book by Judy Blume, typically categorized as a young adult novel, about a girl in sixth grade who grew up with no religion. Margaret's mother is Christian and her father is Jewish, and the novel explores her quest for a single religion. Margaret also confronts many other pre-teen female issues, such as buying her first bra, having her first period, coping with belted sanitary napkins (changed to adhesive sanitary pads for recent editions of the book), jealousy towards another girl who has developed a womanly figure earlier than other girls, liking boys, and whether to voice her opinion if it differs from those of her friends.
Blah blah blah. OK, maybe it didn't stick in my mind as much as I thought - i obviously totally missed this quest for Margaret in finding a single religion - I am guessing this was actually the point at school - what I do remember however was the language and style used when Margaret was talking to God. It was kind of like popping into your Grandads for a cup of tea, sitting on his knee, discussing what seem to you very real and very important 10 year old issues. Him listening and giving you the answer or at least making you think about the answer in a way that never occurred to you before. Amazing.
Twenty years later I am still doing exactly that. Not every night, not every week, but when I need to "pop in and have a chat" and generally get it off my chest all I have to do is ask...."Are you there God? Its me, not-Margaret"...I don't often get a reply but I know someone, something out there in the Universe is listening.
To be fair I quite liked the calm 30 minutes before the day started, a quick peek to see your other friends from other houses, waving to them across the pews, "Ooooh Charlie has a new haircut", the whispering and giggling, being told off by the prefects for whispering and giggling, and lip syncing to the hymns cos it was not cool if you actually sung out loud. (Top Tip: If you mouth "rhubarb and custard" to any song it looks like you know the words!)
I wont pretend that I can remember much of the biblical aspects of Chapel, the readings and so forth - I think I have done better since I have been going to weddings, (1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 I practically know by heart! http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2013;&version=NIV) - but the fables, the allegories, Winnie the Pooh excerpts - these have definitely stood the memory test.
I was in bed last night and like most people before one goes to sleep you analyse the day, what went on, promise to make improvements for tomorrow, but overall realise that you are indeed happy and thankful for the life you have. What made me laugh is that a part of this ritual I start with the opening line from a book that was often read to us " Are you there God? Its me Margaret...."
To plagiarise a little, Wikipedia describes the books as follows:
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is a 1970 book by Judy Blume, typically categorized as a young adult novel, about a girl in sixth grade who grew up with no religion. Margaret's mother is Christian and her father is Jewish, and the novel explores her quest for a single religion. Margaret also confronts many other pre-teen female issues, such as buying her first bra, having her first period, coping with belted sanitary napkins (changed to adhesive sanitary pads for recent editions of the book), jealousy towards another girl who has developed a womanly figure earlier than other girls, liking boys, and whether to voice her opinion if it differs from those of her friends.
Blah blah blah. OK, maybe it didn't stick in my mind as much as I thought - i obviously totally missed this quest for Margaret in finding a single religion - I am guessing this was actually the point at school - what I do remember however was the language and style used when Margaret was talking to God. It was kind of like popping into your Grandads for a cup of tea, sitting on his knee, discussing what seem to you very real and very important 10 year old issues. Him listening and giving you the answer or at least making you think about the answer in a way that never occurred to you before. Amazing.
Twenty years later I am still doing exactly that. Not every night, not every week, but when I need to "pop in and have a chat" and generally get it off my chest all I have to do is ask...."Are you there God? Its me, not-Margaret"...I don't often get a reply but I know someone, something out there in the Universe is listening.
Thursday, 14 April 2011
Back to the Motherland
Absolutely no reason to write this apart from the fact that I am literally so excited.
Tomorrow I am going home, for the first time since late 2008 - over two years ago.
The week is going to fly by and before I know it I will be back here, at my desk, in the City of London.
So much to do so little time! I wonder what those 8 days will hold....
See you when I'm back!
xoxo
Tomorrow I am going home, for the first time since late 2008 - over two years ago.
The week is going to fly by and before I know it I will be back here, at my desk, in the City of London.
So much to do so little time! I wonder what those 8 days will hold....
See you when I'm back!
xoxo
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Buses and Taxis
The other day my flat mate bought me a mug, well in fact she bought two. And told me to pick. To be honest, I didn't really get it, one had a London bus and the other had a black cab on it.
"Choose" she said, "They reminded me of us"
At which point I was about to be offended...I knew I had been putting on a few pounds but as a big as a bus, surely not. And apart from the time my bag got run over by a taxi I couldn't really see the similarity.
"Boys!" She said. "They're like buses, they come all at once or not at all"
And the taxi? "That's you and me the morning after when we do the walk of shame!"
And then I laughed. Banana had got it spot on.
The bus situation definitely needed to be addressed - why do they all come at once? Or not at all?
Bus One I have aptly named Bus Boy as he takes the 100 bus to work - he gets on before me and gets off before me, he probably hasn't even noticed me (or if he has its because I cant help staring at him idiotically) but I totally love him. As much as you can love someone you have never spoken to before, don't know their name, or indeed if they are single and straight. He does look like a vampire too which I love.
Then there is Bus numbers Two, the Colin Farrell look alike ie FIT, and oh so smart. I had never heard someone speak so passionately about what they do. Although when we did go to Reiss it was a bit disconcerting that I was checking out the clothes and he was checking out the fittings ( hes an architect)...
And then there is Bus number Three, the Toy Boy. But not much needs to be said about him, 26 is far too young now that I'm the grand old age of 29. And it showed.
Although to be fair, its not that these buses are going past my stop out of choice, there is a fair amount of me chasing after the bus.
As for the black cabs - well all I can say is that they have been a saviour. The morning after and the night before in getting me home, safe and in one piece.
I'm sure nothing will come of any of these buses but hey, life is a journey and not a destination so in the meantime....."Taxiiiiiii!"
Saturday, 22 January 2011
Two Sides to Every Story
“Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man”
Nietzsche
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all"
Emily Dickinson
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)








