Getting over it...

What is it about an argument that makes it so hard to get over? Having had a multitude of arguments with the boyfriend over the past couple of months I know that this cannot go on. Arguments between couples, yes, are allowed. But it’s the way you deal with arguments which is the key. More often than not it is a misunderstanding, or a different way of working to the other - one persons principles and priorities are not the same as the other. For the person to whom something is important it is extremely difficult to convey to the other person when, to them it is not that important. Take said argument this weekend. We planned lunch, on Sunday as he was away all weekend, I was busy with dress fittings and we were both busy next weekend and funnily enough I love spending time with my boyfriend that doesn’t mean sitting on the sofa on a week night catching the end of a movie before we go to bed with the prospect of work the next day hanging over our heads....Anyway, 12:30 phone call comes in, "Hi, just checking times of the train and I wont be there til 3 as there isn’t a train for another 1.5 hours so lets have a late lunch?". Great. Surprised? No. Disappointed. Yes. Him apologetic? - not really. Me, livid. As I point out to him, it is a Sunday so you cant expect things to work according to the time table as they had on Friday, in addition he knew we were having lunch together, is it that hard to look at your iphone that you do go on about and actually use it? Maybe think about a little bit and check the times before hand - what could have been a nice Sunday afternoon just him and me ended in disaster. He did say he was sorry, but he didn’t get why I was so cross. More than anything I was so upset as to me it seemed that he didn’t really cared when he saw me or not, meanwhile at the other end of the country here I was counting down the hours til I saw him - outfit chosen, waxed, was even planning nice underwear - all to be dashed at the sound of his hungover and unenthusiastic voice.




And here is where it gets hard, should I have just accepted his apology for what it was. Taken it on the chin ( his favourite saying). Agreed to meet him when his train finally did get in? (Originally was going to surprise him at station now not looking so likely) And salvage what was the few remaining hours on a Sunday afternoon. Or- what did happen was rant, rage and cry about ruining my Sunday and not wanting to spend time with me. Yeps, black and white, cold light of day and all that I can see that maybe my actions weren’t ideal either. So he bodged up initially I did (and I admitted it) make it into something A LOT bigger. So, how do you get over it? How when the disappoint hits you, the tears well up and the anger spreads across your chest like you can’t breathe - HOW do you get over it?



What I wanted was him to be sorry, me to accept apology, us to meet up, me explain how it makes me feel when he does that, him to realise that despite not meaning it it has bigger implications in my mind and to reassure me that is not the case. We kiss, we make up, we have lunch a little bit later than planned and everything is great again.



Instead here I am, 2 days later wondering - does he actually see why I was upset ( understandably he was in no mood to listen to me after the toys went out the pram) and can I get over it and see from his point of view that it wasn’t intentional. He is a boy - he cannot plan to save his life - and actually he did want to see me.



I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to bear grudges or expect him to disappoint me cos that’s no way to be in a relationship. We both need to be a bit more aware of the others needs. This isnt the first time, and it wont be the last (although I wish it were). And when I say I am trying, I mean it, just when it happens it all goes out the window. So what's the answer to getting over it?

1. Breathe
2. Count to ten
3. See the big picture - see argument above about not spending any time together, we spent more time arguing and therefore spent less time together!
4. Be the bigger person and apologise - it takes 2 to have an argument
5. Laugh, come on, its funny in a ridiculous kind of way...!
6. And finally - Just let it go. Dont waste any more time being mad at each other and unhappy, especially as you know things are so much better when you are on the same team and not against each other.

On my part I am going to practice the count to 10 technique ( more like 10 minutes) to be calm and try to remember that actually, I am lucky to have someone like him anyway (just like he is lucky to have me) - yes his time keeping does suck and sticking to the plan is not his forte - but I do love him. And if you love someone, for better or worse,  you got to take the good with the bad because nobody is perfect.