The opposite is true when you are not having fun - doesnt time just drag on and on and onnnnn. Its only been a week since everything has happened. I went away for a few days which did me the world of good, but coming back home was never going to be easy. My bag of stuff that was at his is now sitting in a pile on the living room floor and no matter how much I wish it wasnt there it still is!
I still havent cried, which for me is weird - I cry in X factor, Holby City, Xtreme Makeover - The Home Edition - literally anything!!! - but still no tears. I think really I knew it wasnt right and it was only a matter of time. Plus its not the breaking up with someone that is the only thing you lose, its the life you had with them, the friends you made, the places you went to - both people and places I am avoiding like the plague. I even cancelled my beloved FB account, all I need now to do is to move house, get a new number and change jobs and any existence of that "me" will be erased! But its really the small things that I have missed, the good morning phone call and the kiss goodnight, the warm body in bed next to me and the smell of someone sleeping.
I arrived yesterday at the airport and called up all my friends to tell them that I had - of course they all said they were glad to be back, but that wasnt why I called - it was just a confirmation to myself that I wasnt a ghost just wandering along aimlessly, that in fact I was real and that somebody knew about it.
Another aspect about time is the " this time last week/ month/ year" syndrome. This time last year I went to HK for a good friends wedding, he came over too and we had quite possibly the best holiday ever, we laughed all the time, we called ourselves Team Smug, cos thats what it felt like and I never imagined things would change. This time last month we had recently been to another wedding in London where he got so drunk ( in a funny way) he told one of my friends how much he loved me ( hard to believe now I know) and that he was my disciple - hmmmmm, v odd. He offended Dabiel from the X factor who was in the wedding band and called the best man gay on our way home. And then he needed the toilet. You were right the Waldorf wasnt part of the plan! This time last week I was still in shock - it had to be a nightmare, please wake me up and tell me everything is going to be ok. Just like before....
And today...Im fine - I accept it is over and I know he wasnt the one for me, I tried to convince myself for a long time he was - but really he wasn't. He was great in so many ways, we had so much fun together but we were just too different and both of us found it hard to look at it from the other side of the river. My feelings were dismissed as not being true - but to me they were very real. So instead I bottled them up, tried to let them go when all I wanted to do was to talk about them...resulting in volcanic eruptions.
Of course you cant forget straight away, the memories are always the hardest. But just as time flies when you're having fun, time is also a healer and who knows what is around the corner.
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